newest | older | rings | profile | notes | design | diaryland
something you got, babe...
*12.04.07* @ *9:44 p.m.*
"you shouldn't be here," i told him as he crawled in through the new windows.
"why is that?"
"well, because you've got a girlfriend who cares more about you than what i do."
"yeah, well..."
his voice trailed off, and when he stepped closer i could smell the alcohol on his breath. his breath alone was enough to get me drunk, but i was more intoxicated by the smell of him. even the heavy rain couldn't wash that away.
"i don't want to think about her right now. i just want to be here with you."
and just like that our clothes were flying off and we were rolling around on my bed. i fucked him like he wasn't my boyfriend, and he enjoyed it just the same.
by four in the morning, i was cradling his head upon my chest, listening to the same record on repeat.
"something you got, babe, makes me work all day. something you got makes me bring home all my pay..."
"i could do this with you every day of my life, y'know?"
"i'm flattered, but we both know this - our relationship - has never been about that. it's been more about convenience than anything else."
i could tell that something i said wounded him slightly. there was always a part of me that loved to hurt him while he was vulnerable, but i could never really figure out why.
"you're just as guilty as i am. don't think i don't know. you're running around here like you aren't in the wrong, but believe me, i know what you are up to."
"i never denied that i'm in the wrong. but you also don't hear me telling you that i want to spend my life with you. i'm okay with lying to one person at a time. you, though, are too good at lying to the both of us."
and as though the bickering had never started, we fell asleep - my fingers tangled in his hair, his legs thrown across my body.
the next morning i awoke to his breathing in my ear and the rain still slapping at the window. for a second, i flirted with the idea of lying to myself. for a second, i found myself wanting to believe that we'd fuck and fight every night and then fall asleep all tangled around each other.
it was two something in the morning, and yet, there he was standing out there in the rain, banging on my window with the most mischievous look upon his face.
"'well' what?"