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let me catch you up...
*05.18.03* @ *4:39 p.m.*
i was sitting on his couch that always seems to swallow me into it's cushions, planted in between him and his best friend. we were all bullshitting and writing lyrics and speaking dreams with so much inspiration that i was high off of it. i flat drank some incredible hulks [hpnotiq + hennessy], and my drunk habit is this. the drunker i get, the more i lean.
eventually, i ended up laying on his shoulder. and while he played with my hair, i do believe he said the nicest thing i've ever heard.
"you know what i like best about you? you are everyone's friend. i can tell by the way you answer your phone and interact with my friends. none of their girlfriends are like that. they walk into a room and see how many guys are checking them out. they see where the other girlfriends are so they can talk shit. you're the only girl my boys will call if they want to hang out, and i guess it's because you're the only girl that can just hang out. there is no petty bullshit. you are just easy going and hellbent on making everyone happy...on being everyone's friend. and i'm the guy that's in love with the girl who's everybody's friend, but i'm always too shy to say anything."
i looked at him as hard as i could until the only thing i could really see was how his eyebrows framed his face perfectly. i guess i was trying to give him courage to tell me because i really needed to hear what he had to say.
"i just wanted to let you know that. that i respect you because of the way you are and who you are. because when you laugh, you really laugh. and i guess because you see things so differently than all of us. because when i think about you, i think about you smiling. that's a great way to imagine someone...i mean, i'm not asking for a relationship or anything, but just that i can always know you. a relationship gone bad might take that away from me."
i whispered into his ear, through tears and smiles that i promised he could always know me because he wasn't a coward and because he told me what he had to tell me. i told him that maybe we'd take a stab at a relationship when i came back up to new york, but right now wasn't a good time.
he smiled and said, "i know," and i felt that right then, he knew everything about me. he could read every sad memory and happy time in my life, and i didn't close my eyes to run away from that.
i kissed his nose, then fell asleep on his lap with the couch cushions swallowing me, while bathing in waves of atmosphere songs and the feeling he gives me when he kisses my forehead...
and when i woke up, his fingers were tangled in my hair, and he had slept sitting up the whole night so not to disturb me.
oh, you beautiful boy, why couldn't you stumble along four months ago?